soak

it is not like it was just yesterday
that you got less interested and
we stopped talking
it has been two years
but I think I am still in the process
of recovering
I am beginning to notice
those not so ugly things
like how on a hot summer day
when it rains
the water brings out the dirty smell
of the freshly laid pavement
and the cigarette smoke
barreling out between my teeth
looks like a tidal wave
heading to shore
ready to swallow it whole
I think about very little
not about god
or about love
I do not lay awake at night
I sleep, but not well
I get mad at the construction
and the fog that impedes
on my morning drives to work
I am always late
always in a hurry
I guess the process of recovery
is longer than what I was told
it would be as a child
like I was stabbed
and no matter how many
napkins I find
I cannot soak up the whole mess
at once