this book of poems was written and compiled during what I would say was one of the darkest times of my life. though the content has been very lightly edited, the main premise behind it being released as a second edition is due to the circumstances of my life having completely changed. it was not but a few months after the release of this book that I came to know love as it truly is – not just through getting to and marrying my now wife, Chelsie, but by getting to know and committing my life to Christ. I rarely directly write about my faith or Christ, but behind every single poem I write is the truth of Christ as my Savior. each individual piece acts as a stepping stone that leads to the Gospel. in rereading this book, as I have numerous times since its birth three years ago, it reminds me of the darkness, depressive and anxiety ridden state I existed within. so while His name is not mentioned anywhere here, I know now it existed as the space between each word, and so it does in every new piece of writing I produce today.
my tension with writing has always been in the need to be vulnerable, honest, and transparent and working through the fear of what that means. a lot of the time, like in this instance of releasing the second edition of this book, it means retracing those steps -telling old stories of a darker time in order to see the light better today. it is not easy, and any writer or creative person in any medium will say the same. what I want to say more than anything about this book is that while bits and pieces are fiction, for the most part, this could read as a diary during the beginning of the relationship between my wife and myself. I can recall so vividly writing some of these pieces, trembling from the fear of losing her. what I know now is that I had not yet connected my idea of her with who she truly was -and that is where the fear started and ended. I had not yet known of the perfect love that drives out fear.
my goal with writing is to remember in order to see the instances of light within every dark period of my life. I have been lost in the blackness of depression and anxiety; I have been entirely unhappy while simultaneously unsure of who I am; I still have uncertainties, doubts, and insecurities. what I had at the time that I did not know, however, is hope. light permeates the dark. sometimes all it takes is one step in order to see it.